It's the time when we are one step away from bidding you and your lovely guests adieu, forget us worrying about if you even tip the full twenty percent or not. Sometimes we are just happy to be getting rid of one more table, sending you out the door, parting ways-- especially if yours is the one with the child who smashed all of their food under the table, if you were uneccesarily rude, or if you ran our asses off when we could have done ten trips in one.
Last night I had a table, who in the middle of my opening spiel, cut me off to tell me, "Before you get any further, let me tell you that we will not tolerate the shitty service we just received over at the last place we were at. You better have a personality."
Well. I do, and at that exact moment it was about to flip into "bitch mode"...if my words and actions didn't have any weight on my job, I would quipped, "Before you cut me off again, let me tell you that I hope you aren't as hoity and demanding as my last guests."
At that instant, I wished nothing more than to drop off the check-- for the waters-- and tell them to kick rocks.
She was looking up at me with a flash in her eyes, and yet somehow still looking down her nose at me. The woman was mid-to-late-thirties and very well..."maintained" I suppose. I glanced down at her hands and saw no wedding ring. No surprise there; if she was willing to snap at a complete stranger the way she just did to me, she probably took a hot dump on anyone she ever dated and sent them running for the hills. It's the instantly recognizable case of crazy woman syndome (yes, we're all a little crazy, some definitely more than others), but I believe I've seen this before:
So instead of satisfying my growing frustration, I killed her with kindness. Kissed her ass a bit.
On the other half of the restaurant, my coworker Britney* was dealing with a much different table. Super nice until Britney approached with the check.
At The Valley, it is simply policy that we set down the check at the front of the table when service is through unless someone requests to receive it over the rest of the guests. This part of the policy is the "first come, first serve".
As Britney presented the check, two of the guests dove for an interception while the book was still aloft in mid-air, Britney's hand still attached to it. Like savage beasts fighting over prey, all civility goes out the window.
This, as servers look at it, is just plain rude. We come to work to serve food and drinks, not to be mauled and assaulted by guests leaping for ownership of the check.
Not only that, but then we have to shoulder the hard feelings by those who wanted to pay but lost out to another guest. Don't fling your shit at me you monkey, look at your friend who snatched the bill out of your hands because you paid last time.
Where is your grace, where is the class?!
When Britney complained to me, I remembered a time a gentleman nearly took my thumb off as it was stuck in the checkbook. Plain hostile.
As my mother always put it, when you go out to a restaurant it as though you are eating in someone else's house. Use your manners. Be polite. This is The Valley, not a barnyard. This rule of thumb should be in effect from the second you walk in to the time that you leave. As a server, it is my responsibility to be kind and courteous at all times no matter how unpleasant those I serve may be to me. As a guest, even though you are being served and are to be having a wonderful experience, it is a two-way road. We don't care how much money you throw at us (even though money is the root of all evil), it is not worth us having our teeth kicked in.
Golden Rule. You got it.
-Malia Etienette
Photo Credit:
"The Last Pastrami": www.windsorstar.com
Dropping off Check: www.capitaladvancesolutions.com
"Is Taylor Swift that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend?": www.thetrendguys.com
"Lifestyle- Daily ISO Los Angeles": www.dailyiso.com
"Holy Smokes!...": www.cavemancircus.com
"Bitch Mode": www.someecards.com
Monkey: http://degrassitv.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/monkey.jpg?w=540
"Lioness Attacks": http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1084701.1337980698!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/gallery_635/lioness-attacks.jpg
"It's Your Birthday": www.someecards.com
Loved this. I found the best way to decide who gets the check is to hand it off as quickly as possible to the first hand that reaches out. And when the other person gives you that look, shrug a shoulder and walk away- you're done with that guy anyway..
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the next blog. You're very funny.