Last Wednesday at work.....gah. I've been called many things in my day, but this was never one of them.
It was a slow shift. Right now one of the roads in the downtown is hacked up for work on the sewage pipes. Of course, this street is the one our restaurant resides on. So, yes, this has most definitely affected our daily flow of guests.
Wednesdays are typically not too busy anyway. With the drawback of fewer people coming in, we have cut back on the number of servers we have on the floor. There were only two tables to dine in by 7:30 that evening, so what was the judgement call? Send the third server home so the other two can make some money.
What happens next? A total shit-storm of mass chaos.
By 8:00 the entire floor was sat, not an open table in sight.
Yes, I am a decent server but I cannot-- absolutely cannot juggle ten tables in an (expected-to-be) fine-dining restaurant when it is slammed. It simply is not possible to retain composure as a fine-dining server when you're literally running up and down the aisle, back to the server station, into the kitchen, out with food, back to the oven to make sure your bread isn't burnt, then finally to the newest table you have, which is already irritated they haven't been greeted in the first minute of sitting down.
YES that is what it was like.
SO (deep-breath) here is where I had an issue on that night:
I already have four tables of all women (Ladies: You, for the most part, can be quite pleasant to wait on, but running my little tuckus for drinks everytime I breeze past the table is not okay).
There's two two-tops which are pretty low-maintenance and know what they want.
I get another two-top, two men this time.
Upon greeting them, yes, I may have seemed rushed.
In MY head:
--I am trying to remember whether table three had the merlot or the pinot noir she needed another glass of.
--I had the hostess buzz by and let me know I received a table of four.
--I almost forgot to bring out someone else's appetizer, and I had drinks for the four women up front sitting behind the bar.
I'm not even able to ask the two for anything other than water to drink before one of them places his order.
The first gentleman asks me, "How is your swordfish?"
I lied. "Sir, I actually don't eat seafood, but I have gotten wonderful reviews as it is also one of our restaurant's most popular fish entrees."
He didn't seem thrilled with my response. The truth? Hell. I'm broke as shit.
I can't afford to be eating a $28 dish whenever I'm working the dinner shift.
So no, I have not tried our swordfish, but yes it does look damn delicious.
"Fine," he interjected my ongoing thought bubbles. "I'll take that and the side salad."
His partner on the other hand, had a much more difficult time deciding.
"I'll take a baby greek to start, and......" He sat there, clicking his tongue at me, and mulling over our menu. I look back at the table of four just to make sure they aren't getting antsy.
"Uhn....tssss...tssss....hmmm tick tick tick." He clicked his tongue again. I peered back down at him.
"You know what?" he snapped, "Just bring our salads and give me a minute.
Relieved, I turned my back and greeted the four top whom immediately placed their appetizer.
I ran to the computer, keyed in the app and proceeded to the kitchen to prep the guys' salads.
While I'm making them, the hostess Lisette comes up to me with a menu, "Um, those guys you have wanted a glass of wine." Already I can feel myself getting agitated. I was standing there for five minutes while they twiddled their thumbs, and NOW they decide to grab the hostess (who is not as well-versed with the menu, especially the wine) to place an order.
She couldn't remember which one. That left me to ask, as I ran back out with salads in hand. Setting them down I asked about the wine.
"I ordered with the other girl, didn't she tell you?"
God.... "No, sir, the hostess wasn't sure which wine exactly you wanted and I'm just checking back."
"You have to be kidding me."
I simply looked at him. Was I not doing my job by reporting back?
He glared at me, "Do you have a problem with me?"
Baffled, I asked this man what he meant.
"Ever since we sat down you have had a horrible attitude." I was shocked. You do know I am the one handling your food, correct?
I began to stammer, "I'm sorry sir, we are down a server and it is terribly busy in here. I never had any issue with you at all."
"THAT is not an excuse."
?!? "Sir," I retorted, "I am a little bit overwhelmed and do not mean to come off as short."
"You have a horrible attitude and I demand another server." He was furious, and meant it. What exactly made ME come off as rude? And who was he to tell me off? Some head-up-his-ass elitist. I'm not your wench-- no need to step all over me.
"Excuse me?" I gasped, needing fresh air at this point. "YOU are horribly rude and are the one offending ME." I turn to his dinner date and ask him if I had a bad attitude... as the saying goes, the wise man said nothing. Instead, he chuckled and shook his head down at his salad.
I was livid. I didn't have the time for being questioned or accused. I asked the man, "Have you ever waited tables before?"
"That," he said, "is NOT the point."
"Oh, I think it is, and clearly you haven't. I'd be thrilled to send you that other server."
In hindsight, maybe I should have watched my tongue.
DID I have a bad attitude? Well-- not until he pulled that little number.
I also wish I took the time to run their food out to their table and tell them to enjoy, with a smile that actually told them to "choke on it".
That episode told me to not get so damn stressed. To just breathe.
And when I literally think everything is falling down on my head-- just smile. It will all pass soon enough.
And a note for all the guests who are reading this--
Never accuse a server to their face. We are unpredictable little shits, and you never can tell how we are going to react to something like that.
Instead, request for the manager on duty and take the issue up with them.
Not only will your server be dealt with in a professional manner (as it is not your job to chastize nor patronize our workers), you will happily get your new server as you so wished, and possibly a discount or comp on a round of drinks.
A little kindness goes one hell of a long way. Never forget that.
-LM
Photo Credit:
"We're Open!" Sunset Cycle's Blog- www.sunsetpdx.wordpress.com
"Leroy's Kitchen + Lounge"- www.sandiegofoodfinds.com
"Foodies in the Bible Belt"- www.biblebeltfoodies.blogspot.com
"
Mental Health Art by Bipolar Artist"- www.artbynicola.co.uk
"Love it, eat it, choke on it"- www.randomarrayofthings.tumblr.com
Sexual Harrassment in the workplace.
Plain and simple. Cut and dry.
Employers hold seminars, some even run week-long, just to tell assumably otherwise intelligent individuals that touching your coworkers and sharing obscenely colorful and insinuative language is a major "no-no". 
Watching the monotonous videos, and going over and over awkward and uncomfortable scenarios in which instructors demonstrate the acceptable/inacceptable interactions you may be confronted with. You would roll your eyes, cursing the wasted time and think, how hard is that to understand?
But really, you would be surprised at how prevalent its occurence is- from corporate office down to the little Mom and Pop joints. It exists. And the fact of the matter is, sexual harassment is indiscriminatory. Black, white, gay, straight. Men harrass women, women harass men, same sex harassment happens.
WHY does it happen?
Well. Any number of reasons. Perhaps the offender felt as if their counterpart was inviting the advance. Was the counterpart knowingly flirting back in "harmless" fun where the offender could have been led on? Was this a case of victimization, because of provacative, low-cut and short-hemmed clothing? Perhaps the offender doesn't know where "the line" was drawn between being humorous and being crude. Maybe they are just an asshole altogether.
Whatever the reason may be, ultimately the offense is inexusable and unjustifiable.
_____________________________________________________________________________
My story? I thought you'd never ask...
I had worked at a local "rustic" burger joint for a few years, one that specialized in wild game.
The Bison Bar* was and still continues to be privately owned by a married couple and another partner or two.
Towards the end of my stint at the restaurant, I had encountered not one or two but multiple, repeated instances of sexual harrassment from one of the back of house managers who cooked full time- who ALSO had harassed several other female coworkers, each of whom quit after submitting their complaints.
It had escalated from a simple but still unwelcome pat on the ass to a full on grope from behind- while I was cutting produce one morning- to pulling me back into his groin while he ground into me, breathing down my neck and telling me, "If you was just a couple years older I would tear that p***y up."
Well. I don't know which part of that ISN'T sexual harassment, but it was then that I approached my managers.
Typically there is a chain of command process in handling issues in most workplaces...
And when one step on the ladder fails to function properly, you skip it and move on to the next- which after waiting a week without a response back, is exactly what I had to do.
The GM wasn't much help either.
Nearly two months had passed before the situation was addressed.
What was the resolution? He would be given a grand total of four days off work...and being paid on salary, this was like paid time off. In other words, he was awarded a vacation for overstepping his boundaries.
When he returned, not only did I have to work each shift alongside him I was also told to keep my mouth shut on the ordeal. The best solution for my management and owners was to quickly and quietly sweep the crumbs under the mat. The tension could be felt at work-- my superiors only welcomed room for a hostile work environment from that point on.
If anything, that was the precise moment those horribly dry but educational videos should have been brought back out and force fed to us as employees.
This was a huge red flag, disturbing to say in the least.
I hate to be the whistle-blower, but someone has to do it.
No worker should be subjected to assault and degredation, and then have to accomodate their offender and the proprietors by repaying them in silence. And for what? So the next batch of new employees will be none the wiser, and work along someone who clearly can't control their hands or filter their speech?
No thank you.
Unfortunately this story doesn't have a happy ending.
The manager got to keep his job.
I continued to work for the next month or two with a giant target on my back while I was fast-forwarded to the chopping block.
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I have seen girls get worked up and create havoc because some owner thought it would be okay to jam their tongues down the girls' throats.
Others have slept with a someone in a higher position assuming it would either ensure job security or provide other benefits, maybe even the ever-unlikely promotion.
Still others sit idly by and keep silent while this goes on in fear of losing their job, or having a bad image reflected upon themselves.
Here's the beauty of it:
Your job can be replaced, much like my workplace had backhanded me with the fact that so could I. Your dignity and your reputation can't.
They can always be repaired, but they will never be the same much like trying to glue back together a broken glass. You'll always see the seams from when it was damaged.
Truly unfortunate as well, there are also people who will cry wolf at the slightest incident. People need to be knowledgeable of what IS and ISN'T considered crossing the line or threatening
Any false claim could potentially harm someone else's reputation and credibility for a long time.
Groups such as the Equal Rights Advocates can help you to distinguish what could be considered harassment and also offer advice on how to handle the situation.
Even ABC explains sexual harassment and how to deal.
If anything, I have learned to speak up especially when it's important despite what anyone else thinks. You are protecting yourself, and in doing so you are also protecting others down the road.
The worst thing you could ever do is to keep silent as silence solves nothing.
-LM
Photo Credit:
How to Deal With Sexual Harrassment- www.local.com
Whistleblowers- www.clearingthefogradio.com
Ralph D. Hughes, APC- www.ralphdhughes.com
Silence as a Bad Tool to Resolve Conflict- www.oplife.org
Something that I have not yet understood, nor will ever understand I suppose, is when a man outright orders for his date. Whether this be the drink, the appetizer, the entrée. The WHOLE kit and caboodle. It's just feels weird.
"Could I offer you a glass of wine, iced tea, coke?"
"Yeah, she'll have a cabernet and so will I...house."
It's like a demonstration of Know & Tell.
You're pretty good, sir. You must have ESP.
Did she want it? I always wonder.
It comes off like this-
either the broad is a mindless tart and can't think for herself, baffled at the complexity of such a decision...
OR she has no voice in the matter, which makes you the controlling asshole.
Maybe you've been married ten years, and you know what the other wants.
Maybe that IS the case, but typically I can tell when it is.
Now here's why I don't usually consider the latter.
I had gone on a date not entirely too long ago. Usually I need a minute to peruse the menu.
God knows who has what to offer, and if it is a place I haven't been to I like to see for myself before I place my order.
But no.
The waiter comes.
What does my date do?
"Yeah- Get me a... (first of all, let me pause here. "Get me a" is so rude, it's not even funny. As a server on the receiving end of that order, I'd love to snap back, "Get you what? A side of manners to go with that?") Get me a water, she'll have one too. Then we'll each have a cup of your soup of the day, and the calamari, followed by Maine lobster which we'll split."
Ok.
Huge fail.
First of all, this was the first time we had eaten out.
Secondly, I don't want to split a meal. Yes, I might be a lady (with a horrifically appalling trucker mouth to boot), but I don't always eat such dainty meals. I can put some food down from time to time, and I am 100% unapologetic for that.
And thirdly? I don't fucking eat lobster. I don't like the fact that it gets cold after two minutes, I don't like having to work for my food, but most importantly- I DON'T like food with an exoskeleton that LOOKS at me. Gross.
But what did I do? Eat it.
So did the broad want a cabernet? Your guess is as good as mine.
Men: Let your ladies decide. Your palette might not exactly match hers.
Yes, it's nice to try new things, and get a little adventurous from time to time.
However, when I am told I am eating something- even if it IS delicious, I'm left with that awful taste in my mouth of not being allowed to have a say in the issue.
Yes, an issue as small as placing an order at a restaurant but HERE is how women read it:
If you don't let me choose my own meal, what ELSE are you going to control further down the road?
Just some food for thought. :)
Enjoy.
-LM
Photo Credit:
"What New Yorkers Don't Want to Know About the Maine Lobster Glut"- www.ouracadia.com
"The ABc's of Ordering Wine in a Restaurant"- www.kitchentalks.com
