Questions about the menu. The occasional telemarketer. Do we have call ahead seating?
Is so-and-so's credit card still at the bar from when he may or may not have left it the other night?
Where are the restaurant located in this itsy-bitsy bubble of a downtown?
Is our food kosher? Is it halal-- which I had no idea what the hell that meant the first time I heard it.
No. No one at the slaughterhouse prays over the animals from which we receive our meat.
A thousand and one questions come pouring in daily. People always say, no question is a stupid question. I fairly believed that until I answered a call the other night.
It was about 8 o'clock, middle of rush and every seat inside and outside of the house is filled.
Orders are beginning to back up in a very hot and congested kitchen that is now understaffed and disorderly.
"Thank you for calling The Valley, this is L, how may I help you?"
A hurried and anxious woman spoke up on the other end of the line. "I'm looking for someone at your establishment. She's about 5'5" with short dark hair and glasses and her son is pretty tall for his age. He's 15. Are they in there?"
Hold the phone. You want me to what? Look for two people who fit two very vague descriptions. Do these people come with names? First of all, we are a mediterranean restraurant...most guests have dark hair to begin with. Second of all, would height really help me to find two people who are already SITTING? Probably not.
I peered around the booths and tables. Mind you- I'm no longer ten years old with all of the world's time on my hands with my nose jammed deep into a book of Where's Waldo. No two people sitting together fit the description when I scanned the room, so I returned to the phone.
"No, m'am. I don't see the two in here. Have you tried calling their phones?"
"You didn't hear what I said. The restaurant isn't that big, I don't care if it's busy. Don't stand there and tell me that they aren't in there still. That is where they said they would be eating. Put me on hold and go look."
Alright lady.
This is where I draw the line. I'm busy.
You're taking me away from my tables.
You're also snide to top it off.
I handed the phone over to Wulf, who after I explained the call, squinted his beady eyes and cocked his head to the side as if to say "WTF," swiftly hanging the phone up with the woman still on the other end.
Apparently there are such things as stupid questions.
Don't waste my time, and I won't waste yours.
-LM
Photo Credit:
Where's Waldo Archives: www.the305.com
PicArt of phone: www.a1vox.blogspot.com
"I Got This" baby: www.creatememe.com
Ecards: www.2to5.list25.com
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