Honestly. Every once and a while, a good break can do miracles for rejuvenation.
I spent the morning relaxing- kicked my feet up, downed a cup of coffee. Figured it was time for breakfast, lunch, brunch- whatever you may- I was hungry and it was time to eat!
Nelly's* is a small, family-style diner in Royal Oak. Perfect for the days you know it's jam-packed at the more popular restaurants. Sure, there are no mimosas at Nelly's but it wasn't exactly noon either.
I sat down with a friend, and ordered up an omelette... Somewhere amidst the flurry of texting and the void of conversation, he intitiated a discussion about what MY life plan was...what my next step after college was. And by the way, what is my major? Yes, it is undoubtedly communication...and even my friends are dubious of my path in today's professional world with such an ambiguous concentration.
I spilled my passion, (in retrospect) sounding unsure of myself because hell...I could sense a drop of judgement in my listener. Private Investigation? How will I market? How will I support myself? How can I ensure clientel? Frankly, they admitted, the job is a "niche"- defined to be a distinct segment of a market, something boutique...in other words, unreliable.
I did actually have a plan for how I would get to where I wanted to be...but now it just sounds futile. The seed of doubt has been planted and my well has been poisoned. Was this what I really wanted? Is the means to an end worth all the struggle?
I've always kept waitressing on the table as my stepping stone. My financial foundation for a time while my schedule is constantly changing with odd course schedules.
I looked at our waitress-- a few years older than I, stout, and very Plain Jane.
She probably has a child or two at home.
Am I doomed to the vicious cycle of waitressing that she is trapped in?
This blackhole, a vortex we refer to as waitressing, drowns more people than it allows to keep afloat. The only person who can save you is you.
It's hard to have goals or dreams when others step on them.
It's hard to believe in yourself when no one else does.
Of course, that wasn't my only route I was thinking of going with my major.
I do have another plan... but why share it now? I felt ridiculous.
I know my friend was only being honest...brutally honest, which isn't what I always want to hear. Albeit harsh, it may be the best advice for me....something I should take the time to consider. The intention at hand was to see where I would be in five, ten, twenty years down the road. The significance was that I do succeed.
But hell, if we all knew where we intended to be, we would be there already-- not stuck in some unnecessary limbo of taking orders on the daily like myself. This is life, and I happen to take it one day at a time and just be thankful that I have tomorrow.
Whether that small window of dialogue took place out of curiousity, care or concern, it struck a chord inside me. It hit home, when maybe I shouldn't have let it.
There are definitely times (like this time) when I wish life was much more black and white.
Right now, I'm caught up in a whole slew of gray.
Time will only tell if I take the infamously beaten path...or choose the path less traveled by.
Although literally quite filling, that diner meal left me feeling more empty than before.
-LM
Photo Credit:
"Hopeless" by Curtains on Spirit www.glogster.com
"Trapped" by http://raido-ehwaz.deviantart.com
www.youreatopia.com
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