"Can I help you?"
"Oh, ha," she blushed. "I was just noticing your eye makeup."
...Really? It's like if I didn't speak up to break the intense, rock solid eye contact, you were going to leap up over the table and make out with me, all animalistic-like. Geeze, weirdo.
"Well, thank you, I..." before I could put my two cents in, she butted right back into conversation.
"Yeah, how many shades did you use?" she asked, her predatory gaze narrowing in on me.
Caught off guard, I hesitated.
"I...I don't know. Four maybe, five shades?"
"Uhmmm...yeah," she droned like Bill "O-Face" Lumbergh from Office Space, "You really only need three." Now- I never said I was an expert in cosmetology. I simply put on my face, come into work, clock in, serve food, deal with some people that are pleasant and some that aren't as much, clock out and go home.
Yeah...Did YOU get that memo?
She continued, "The reason I ask is because I do makeup over at 'X' Salon and I could totally do you over if you'd like.."
UM. Hold it, sister. Who is this broad? Do me over? That implies that you're fixing something that is wrong in the frist place, and thank you, but I think I look damn fine today.
You'd think I looked like THIS girl:
I saw the way you were eyeballing me earlier. Unless this is some sneaky way for you to get your face super close to mine...(Kidding). Look lady, I know this is just you fishing for business, but where is the tact in a back-handed compliment like that?!
What have I learned???
TEN.
You're kind of an asshole, and I want to hit you square in the face. And by kind of, I mean completely.
NINE.
I had a really long day thus far, and you're only making it longer. Thanks for that.
EIGHT.
Well, you're not so cute yourself either.
SEVEN.
Fix my makeup? Please. Let me fix your manners.
SIX.
Good grief, you and your materialistic, cloned friends are just as self-absorbed.
FIVE.
AUUUUUGH. Just....DAMNIT.
FOUR.
My mother taught me better than this; Just nod and smile.
THREE.
God, I'm crabby. Did I eat lunch today?
TWO.
Wait. What was I bitching about?
ONE.
So. Did you want the falafel in a wrap or as an entree?
EXHALE.
I think I'm getting the hang of this afterall!
me: 1
bitches: 0
So I might be coming off a little bit like my shit don't stink...and know, I don't truly think that.
If you have worked in the service industry or a similar field, you can relate to my qualms, and if you haven't- well...you simply would have to walk a mile in my shoes.
-LM
Photo credit:
Grassroots Motorsportshttp://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/off-topic-discussion/good-god-almighty/53637/page62/
Disabled link. Google image.http://memegenerator.net/instance/28653096
Youtube user: Wonderland Makeup
"Everyday School Makeup *Spoof*"http://youtu.be/gfAxkNsw-zI
You write in an interesting way, each of your posts is like a short story and all of them are very entertaining. I enjoyed your sarcasm throughout your posts. Waitressing is a tough job and the people who do it definitely are not given the respect that they deserve. I liked that you discussed your internal thought process in each of these situations. I think that you are writing for yourself to get some of the frustration about your experiences at work out. I think you are also writing in a way to entertain your audience, which you succeed in doing. I wanted to keep reading your posts because I was so interested in your experiences and the way that you told them. You were very authentic in the way that you wrote and I believed what you said.
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